Author: meenarnair
The rise of women and its consequent ‘household’ dilemmas
The movie Dangal filled us all with pride and one cannot help but beam with pride at the accolades the Phogat girls brought in. Girls can achieve anything if they set their mind to it, even if it means tearing into a male dominated arena and emerging like shinning stars. While we always applaud the rise of girls in various areas, one thought has always bothered me.
What happens to the household chores?
Over the years, women have moved in to take on various male-dominated areas, but who is going to take over the household chores – namely looking after the house, cooking, taking care of the kids, laundry, buying groceries, vegetables, etc? (At least in India, these strictly fall under a lady’s domain.)
Well, the easy answer is – the maids, who are again women. These maids do their own household chores and then their madam’s. While madam has a backup in the form of a maid, the maids do not have any backup as they get empowered to become the earning members of the family. There are few smart ones though. I know of a maid who had got a help from the village for her chores. How soon before this becomes a norm? Ladies filling areas left vacant by ladies! How far can this go?
Mindset: Household chores is a woman’s responsibility
When I spoke to few friends about why this is happening, the reason we all concluded was – mindset. All of us have grown up with this belief that women are meant to take care of household chores. This thought has been ingrained so firmly that women are attuned to taking charge of the household responsibilities, while men without a moment of hesitation make way for them. And let me emphasize here that it is not just the men, but even the children expect a mother to champion most of the tasks at home. Why? Because that’s how we, our parents, and generations before them have been brought up. Never have we been taught that household chore is each family member’s responsibility.
By nature, men are providers and women are nurturers. However, with nuclear family and double-income being the norm, women have begun to assume the role of providers too. At the end of a hard day’s work, whatever said and done, a woman has to cuddle her baby and ensure that she has had a great day at school to feel completely satisfied. While sincerity is a norm, women are also ambitious in nature. This implies that they want to excel in every area of life – be it at the personal front or in career or as a daughter, as a friend, as a singer, as a dancer, as a baker – the list can be endless. They want to explore more and seek perfection and excellence in whatever they undertake to the maximum extent possible. And with not much support choices available in terms of daily chores, they go onto become non-stop multitasker and jugglers!
Perception: Household chore is thankless
In many cases, men have showed their intent to share the household chores. But these chores come across as thankless – doing the same things over and over again with not much satisfaction. Breaking glass ceilings may be very challenging and exciting for women, but the same cannot be said about household chores for men. While women march on the path to empowerment, recognitions, accolades, promotions and salary hikes define her success, but in household work, there is no such benchmark. Imagine, an excellent rating for doing the laundry diligently for a month – the clothes shone and the collars sparkled – or a 5 –rating for ensuring their 6-year daughter completed her homework, had her dinner and went to sleep on time every day! To add to this, most of the time, men’s performance in this domain is judged by women who, by nature, are extremely particular about these chores and quite difficult to be satisfied, leading the men with not much job contentment.
So now, we have women who are enjoying being providers but eagerly looking forward for support in household chores, while we have men who are trying their best to contribute but may not be excelling in their efforts as well as women may have done in the male-dominated areas. (Here, I have not considered men who strictly believe household chore is not their job.)
And with the world opening up numerous opportunities for women, the need for support has never been this great and urgent.
In such a scenario, where may the solution be? Well, the answer may lie in:
- bringing about a change in the mindset and
- in respecting household chores.
Change in the mindset
This is what every family can begin believing – “Household chore is every family member’s individual responsibility.” A breakfast can be fixed by a man while a lady is preparing the lunch. Or children can make their bed and dust their room while the mother is packing their tiffin. This is irrespective of whether a lady is a house wife or an office-goer. In a family of four, let’s say individual tasks take 10 minutes of every member’s time, but in case the members choose not to do them, it easily goes on to rob the lady off her 30 mins. Think about it! Chores when shared no longer become a burden on the lady, leaving more time for her to do worthwhile things.
Respecting household chores
When men, children or other family members decide to take over some of the chores, women will have to highly applaud this gesture, and appreciate their contribution. Even if they are not satisfied with the way the work is being done, women can choose to respect the fact that they are trying to contribute and be more accommodative. After all, by respecting their efforts, household chore may finally get the respect it duly deserves, and ladies the support that they have been eyeing for. A note for women: Even other people can choose the apt potpourri for the washroom. Just trust them! 🙂
(The views expressed here are strictly mine and you may tend to differ)
Kapil not having the last laugh?
Apparently, today we will be watching the last episode of Comedy Nights with Kapil (CNWK). For those who may not be aware of the show, which I don’t think will be many, CNWK is an Indian comedy show that became an instant hit after its launch in 2013, and went on to become a household name.
I personally am no big fan of his. Initially the episodes had evoked laughter in me, but later it became too much bear. There were times when I was kind of wary to watch the show, especially when dadi‘s kissing scenes got onto my nerves or the fights between Pankhudi, Palak’s mother, and dadi were too much to bear.
Having said this, I have to give credit to Kapil Sharma for having made the nation laugh for about two years. The show’s popularity was so much that it was adopted in other languages – Malayalam to be specific – because I have watched the Malayalam adaptation. Kapil and his team enjoyed a huge fan club and there were numerous instances when people from India and abroad reached out to Kapil to appreciate him and thank him for making them laugh despite their stress-filled lives. If audiences looked forward to being on the show, film stars equally enjoyed or seemed to enjoy their interactions with Kapil. Laughter just flowed, and believe you me, it was genuine laughter most of the time. Kapil’s razor sharp wit and his timings always had people in splits.
Then, today as the show goes off air, apparently due to Kapil’s ill health (that is what I know about), why is it raining criticisms? His show has been termed as being racist, derogatory and misogynist.
But aren’t these the factors that attracted the people to like his show in the first place? He passed lewd comments on people’s appearances – for instance a common statement directed towards overweight people was: gardhan ghar pe hi bhool aya kya? He made people perform in front of the stars (and what performances the audience put together – I would often wonder how people could do it, but they did it). And people loved it and rolled in laughter. I remember watching an episode where Kapil spoke to someone in the audience but refrained from pulling his leg. The guy was disappointed and asked Kapil why he was not passing any funny comments at him. Such was the craze. Paad (fart or gas) – the much hidden and tabooed word in India found its freedom on this show and became a frequently used word. With all this, why this storm of criticism now?
Like they say, everything that goes up has to come down. Kapil’s show had ruled the TRP ratings. But any show or serial, after a point of time loses its vitality. That is when the pressure manifolds to perform better, or rather to do anything and everything to keep the TRP rising, but sadly that is when the quality also gets compromised. However, Kapil’s show started off by taking a dig at everyone, by touching simple day-today topics that every Indian could relate to. As far as the quality is concerned, it was what it was from day one – slapstick comedy, but something that people enjoyed.
So, today when the curtains come down on CNWK, I feel it is unfair to criticise and put forth negative comments about the show. Rather, let us pay respect to the fun times it had brought to us on several occasions. After all, we were the ones who accepted Kapil and the show in the first place. Let us give it to him and let us not snatch the last laugh from him.
(These are strictly my views and it is not necessary that people have to agree to me :):) )
Why I chose to write a blog
Why I chose to write a blog? Well, because everyone has a blog now a days 🙂 Everyone is thinking today and the thoughts somehow meander and find a way to a blog. Isn’t this the case most of the time? Well, I am no different.
My thoughts are these unsatiated wild animals, reproducing at such a fast rate that even my humble mind cannot fathom. They are varied, energetic and aggressive in nature. They keep yapping away non-stop, striking numerous conversations and counter arguments, nudging me constantly to let them out, to let them flow unhindered, to let them fly freely, and somewhere before they begin to wither in the land of memory to get them captured in a blog like this.
Hence, this is what I am doing – giving a let out to my thoughts 🙂 Like I said, my thoughts are numerous – practical, emotional, romantic, energetic, melancholic, poetic, philosophic…can accommodate most of the genre 🙂 I am trying to house them in various categories, which you will find on the top of the page. Hope you enjoy them too as I let them out 🙂
Just you and me
Just you and me
And the wintry sun
Silence envelops the otherwise beautiful ambience
There is lot to be said
Yet nothing said
The difference between us that has grown
Interrupting every word that struggles to be born
My inner self waits…
So do I
To understand why we have grown apart
Why we can no longer think alike
Leading to turmoil and confusion
The silence continues till evening sun bestows
You and me
And the evening sun
Lot has been said
With both of us having heard none.
A birth
The pain was unbearable
She let go, allowed herself to float in the pool of agony
A moment later, a cry – the sweetest one could have ever heard
At the same time, a flood of water flowed
Erasing all the pain; ushering in happiness
After all, a life has just been delivered
Now that Anna ends his fast, the responsibiltiy grows
At least for me, it was the first time that I witnessed the Parliament coming as one – even if it was to concede to Anna’s demands, they were there as one. In the street, the people were uniting as one – though be it a miniscule section of the society, but they were uniting as one – something which you would otherwise witness when there is a cricket match. For me, it was indeed a historic moment.
With this sentiment, I decided to be there at Ramlila when Anna would break his fast. I simply felt I had to be there to be part of this huge oneness.
You could feel the mood even before you entered Ramlila. There was a serpentine queue stretching to 2 km or so and people were calmly abiding by the rules and marching. I did not use plural in queue, because yes, there was just one queue. It was unbelievable. Is this the emergence of a new India where people are becoming more tolerant? How else could I describe this peaceful procession in a city which is well-known for its notorious rage?
Another thought that struck me as I entered Ramlila after a very brief security check was, where have all the terrorists gone? In these 13 days, I had never once thought about them… did they also not think for once that Ramlila could be an apt place to drop a bomb or two, or were they also supporters of anti-corruption 🙂
By the time I reached, Anna had broken his fast and was making a speech. I did not get the whole gist, but I could hear him say that he would continue his fight against corruption. Whatever the outcome of his fight be, I resolved that I will contribute my bit to the society by trying not to be party to corruption to the maximum extent possible. Having made the resolution, I could feel the responsibility grow on my shoulders. Next time I have to renew my licence, I cannot pay a tout but will have to stand in line, brave the heat and get it done. Next time, if I have to produce a medical bill for official purpose, I cannot go to a chemist. Next time, I am asked to pay building fees for my children’s admission to a school, I will have to counter that. The list can keep growing.
Standing there at Ramlila which has witnessed several rallies during India’s freedom struggle, where Gandhi, Jawaharlal Nehru, Sardar Patel, and other top leaders have addressed crowds, I felt the era and the responsibilities returning back. The Gandhian policies were returning back. But at the same time, I wondered where they had disappeared for a while. I remember watching movies and serials where people who were shown as staunch followers of Gandhian principles being shunned or ridiculed by families and communities, because they found them to be a big farce, leading nothing but to poverty. Today, I felt it had come a whole circle as I listened to people echoing their consent on being truthful.
Yes, it is a huge responsibility indeed…but somewhere it has to begin. If I take my case, somewhere, I have to find a way to allow the suppressed voice inside me to shout. Somewhere, I have to find the strength to do the wee little today that may go a long way in bringing a dent in the ‘corruption empire’ that has been built over the years. Somewhere, I have to find the will so that someday if my children ask me about my contribution towards anti-corruption, I need not shy away.
For all those who criticize Anna including me
Do I favour Anna? No, I don’t.
Do I favour the movement against corruption? Yes I do.
Now, aren’t both one and the same? I don’t think so.
When I decided to go to Ramlila on Saturday, this confusion was raging within me.
Having grown up in an Indian state which never considered itself a part of India, I cannot say my patriotic sentiments ran high. I am not the kind to wave an Indian flag or shout Vande Mataram on Independence Day or get into patriotic debates. I do not religiously vote in every election, I sometimes bribe to escape situations, I do not always stand up for anti-corruption. I am very much an average Indian. But yes, I respect India and I am proud to be an Indian any day, though I don’t wear patriotic sentiments on my sleeve. So I was wondering why I wanted to go to Ramlila. I looked a complete misfit. Someone even joked – Come on, you are going because you want to post it on Facebook. For a second, he actually had me believe that it might be the true reason. Phew!
Throughout my journey to Ramlila, I kept debating my reasons. Once I reached there, the confusion got fiercer. My friends were high on sentiments, waving flags, shouting slogans…some even enrolling as volunteers. I could hear Dr Kiran Bedi, in a parched voice, explaining reasons to support Anna. I listened eagerly, hoping to find some for myself. Few that I registered:
“We vote people to power. They become corrupt. Then, when we question, they ask us who we are and tell us to fight elections and become a politicians to bring change. Why should we become politicians,” she shouted. “We do not want to be politicians. We voted you to power so that you could take care of our problems. Now we are here today, because you chose not to take care of us and instead become corrupt politicians.” This made slight sense to me. Okay – this can be my reason number one, I made a mental note.
“India has been free for 65 years,” she said. “If there had been no corruption, India would have been better off than the US today.” Now, that sounded good. My reason number two.
Then she went on to explain little bit of the bill. She said, “This bill will make each one of you richer, it will give you good schools, good roads….support Anna, and you will have this all.” She suddenly sounded like a salesman trying hard to sell me the Anna concept. Then she asked everyone to close eyes and pray for Anna’s health. That did it. I was no longer sure whether I could believe her. Her words were: Sab chup hojaao, Chup, bilkul chup, chup, chup…ab ankhe bandh. Hey Ishwar, (then a pause) followed by Hey Jesus, Hey Allah…
Oops, she should not have done this to me at this juncture when my confusions were creating havoc. My feeling that she paused to add Hey Jesus, Hey Allah just to be ‘religiously’ correct did not help either. Then out of the blue, someone began to play patriotic songs to which the crowd rose, sang and danced. Even Anna was seen clapping hands. Now, this was turning out to be real entertainment.
Dismayed, I looked around me, trying to understand the meaning of it all. Why were we there? Was it to be a part of the entertainment? Was it to be on TV – many could be seen waving hands wherever there were cameras? Was it out of curiosity?
For heaven’s sake, why could I not just believe that we were all there to fight corruption? Why wasn’t I getting convinced? Why was I thinking this hard?
By then, it must have been two to three hours that I was at Ramlila. I felt tired and drained – more to do with the mental strain rather than the physical. I decided it was time to go.
We stopped by to buy a bottle of water. We were charged Rs 17 instead of Rs 15. I would have never asked before but this time I asked him the reason. He said it was to pay the local police. My friend then said – why be a part of corruption especially at this time when the nation is awakening to an anticorruption movement. The vendor smiled and returned the two rupees. I was surprised. Was this the Anna effect?
Next I went to a grocery store, where I have been buying provisions since long. It was a ritual that they never gave the bill. But I surprised myself asking for one. I had never done that before.
Next day, the morning newspaper had a story citing that crime rate in Delhi had gone down by 35 percent since Anna began his fast.
Suddenly I found my answers.
I went to Ramlila – not for Anna or for the Jan Lok Pal bill. I went there for myself. The Anna movement had managed to awaken an anti-corruption consciousness in me. The movement has given me a chance to piggyback on the highly charged anti-corruption sentiments around me, in the process making me strong enough to fight the fragments of corruption that I am party to in my day-today life. Maybe, I always wanted to fight corruption but being an ‘average’ Indian, I was on lookout for someone else to give me a platform. And Anna managed to give me that to a certain extent. Anna was able to bring a small change within me.
Now in this manner, if a small change can be brought in every individual, where he can proudly say – I have begun the anti-corruption movement within me. How about you? Anna can be termed a winner.
I then felt a sense of gratitude towards the whole movement.
If you ask me how long will I be able to sustain the change? Well, that will totally depend on me – no Anna or Jan Lok Pal Bill can help me there.
Thoughts unleashed: A tribute to Independence Day
As I retired on the eve of 65th Independence Day, I wrote a small prayer –
“Give me freedom Lord
From this insane world
Today, I celebrate India’s independence
But am still bound
By the chains of desire that this material world bestows
Give me freedom Lord
When I still realize its true meaning
For later it may be too late
As I succumb to inebriations
And start appreciating the imprisoned freedom around me.”
I was not very happy with this prayer because it sounded like a loud cry of distress. And I hate being distressed 🙂
But when I woke up today and flipped through the newspapers, I felt jubilant.
The Times of India had given the readers an exclusive peep into their August 15, 1947 coverage of Independence Day.
The headline read – Birth of India’s freedom and went on to speak about how Bombay was in a frenzied festive mood, how the entire Delhi kept awake to witness the historic event of ushering in the freedom of India at the hour of midnight.
Somehow, one gets transported to that era – people were actually celebrating independence despite the grim facts that India’s economy was not worth talking about, 90% of the population was illiterate, there was fear of corruption and anarchy everywhere. In a column, Dr S. Radhakrishnan had made an appeal that every Indian at this hour should pledge himself to purge the society of corruption and intolerance. Pandit Jawahar Lal Nehru’s message contained snippets of the huge responsibility that lay on infant India’s shoulders to survive and gain a foothold as an independent nation.
What is the difference between now and then? Today too, we are equally worried about various issues that India is mired with – be it rising inflation, bloating corruption, or unexplainable terrorism. The worries now and then seem to be on similar lines, except for its varying degrees.
But today I feel, as human nature goes, we have grown so used to the idea of freedom that it no longer appeals to us. We are constantly striving for something better, in the process giving negative sentiments a larger than life image. Can’t we for once look at just the “freedom” like they did years ago and be jubilant about it? Can’t we look at only the positives for once?
With this thought, as I flipped Mint, I came across an article by Anil Padmanabhan, where he writes about five reasons to be positive about India. Here is a gist of what he has to say about the India today:
a) India has still maintained its democratic framework
b) Sixty percent of India’s population is below 35 years. This means our future representatives of modern India, who come with no colonial baggage unlike our previous generation, is more equipped to exploit the opportunities of rapid economic growth.
c) India is undergoing an amazing social change. Today, employment pattern has become a lot more representative of the entire country. Our colleagues at work places today are not from just urban areas, but come from all parts of India and even foreign countries. This is going to bring in lot of creativity and bonding among people, among nations in the future.
d) Every passing crisis – be it terror strikes or corruption – are making Indians incredibly resilient. They bounce back to normalcy every time a crisis takes place. Here, Anil is focusing on the resilience bit and not justifying anyone’s role – be it the government’s or people responsible for the crises.
e) Corruption may be rife but Anil claims it involves a minority group, while the majority is those who go about life and work in a quiet diligent manner. This majority will eventually prevail.
Now, these are some reasons to be positive. If Anil can point out five reasons, I am sure each one of us can come up with five reasons to feel positive about India, to feel proud to be an Indian.
With this, I change my prayer,
“Give me freedom Lord
From my insane despairing thoughts
Give me wisdom Lord
To choose positives over negatives
Give me power Lord
To appreciate what I have today
And not long for illusions trapped in the future
Give me strength Lord
To be happy and gay
And to be proud of everything that is there
Amen.
A humble prayer
Give me freedom Lord
From this insane world
Today, I celebrate India’s independence
But am still bound
By the chains of desire that this material world bestows
Give me freedom Lord
When I still realize its true meaning
For later it may be too late
As I succumb to inebriations
And start appreciating the imprisoned freedom around me.
Confusion
A lonely summer afternoon
The scorching heat
Caracoling the dreams of a beggar
Who lay deep in slumber
I continue along the path
To embrace moments
Woebegone moments?
Yet there is a smile on my lips
Fighting the tears that threaten
To carnage it at any moment
As I approach a world waiting to be painted
What is it that I covet for?
Bygone grey moments
Or woebegone moments still in womb.
I am confused.